Good Vs. Great

While at Camp Widow West Coast 2012 I listened to a speech Michele Hernandez did about her life.

What I got from the speech was Good vs Great.

Let me back track a lil.

I have been dating a great guy for a couple of months.

He is amazing.

He has given me the sense of safety and security my life has been missing.
It's been missing for 5 years now.

He loves me.
He misses me.
He is my sideline cheerleader.
He is my best friend.

And I secretly need that.

We will call him G.

Fast forward to today.

While listening to Michele talk, she was talking about choosing good vs great.

I realized I live my life in the good.
I choose not to live in the great.

Why?

Well I had great.
And it died.
I never want to go through that again.

G. is older then me.
The widow inside me screams "He could DIE".

He could suddenly decide to break up with me.

He could shatter my heart.
The heart I am still glueing back together.
Piece by piece.
Day by day.

Second by second.

So I have chosen to live in the good.
Not the great.

Because if G. dies, and I am only living in the good..
I don't lose the great.
All over again.

And of course, because I'm not losing the great, his death (or our break up) would be so much easier.

I have unknownly held my life back.

To live in the good.

It's better to be good.
Rather then great.

Because with great comes great pain and sorrow.

Today I cried because I realized I deserve great.
And I am stopping great from being in my life.

Today I choose to live great.
And I'm going to have to learn to be good at living great.