The light

Here's a little secret about me.. I wake up at 3:00am every morning to go pee. Doesn't matter if I climbed in bed at 2:00am, come 3:00am.. BAM I am awake and have to pee.

This morning at 3:00am (of course) I was slowly being woken by a light.. a light I was watching from behind my eyelids.

It was slowly growing brighter, slowly getting closer.. but I was in a deep sleep.. Suddenly my eyes shot open. The light I was viewing from behind my eye lids, shot across my bedroom light a giant shooting star.

My first thought was "WTF is someone doing with a flashlight in my backyard??"

I got up and let my dog into the backyard. After all if there was someone in my backyard.. they wouldn't stay long seeing the size of my dog, nor would my dog be quite about someone being in the yard.
When I let her out I watched her from behind my locked door. She went out, did her business, and was ready to come back inside. She didn't even huff at anything. I couldn't hear anything (you couldn't jump my fence quietly now matter how good you are).

I let her back inside and crawled back into bed. I couldn't stop thinking about the light. Since I had to get up for work at 4:00am anyway.. I decided to just get up and go to work.

Now that I have done my job duties and can sit down and relax.. the visions of the light keep coming back to me.

It was a bright white light. It had a ball in the front of it with a white (straight) tail behind it. Now that I can actually think about the light and process what happened without sleep in my brain.. I can't shake the way the light looked.

The light was in my room.. it seemed to slowly be moving towards me, until I woke up.. than it quickly shot a crossed my room and disappeared. Almost like it didn't want to be seen?

Now this isn't the first time I have been woken up at 3:00am by something weird. I often hear someone say my name. I have been woken by the feeling that I'm not alone to find a shadow standing in my bedroom. Weirdness always happens around 3:00am.

I have often chalked it up to.. I was dreaming.

But this light I can't ignore. It was there. In my room. I was fully awake and frightened.

It's times like this that I know I am never truly alone.

Maybe my husband is still with me after all.

Weirdness in My Land

There’s some weird energy in my life right now.

The other night, I got a frantic message from a co-worker that she had a dream about S.

The dream went as follows:

She was watching herself sleep (In the bedroom she has now), when S. walked in and walked up to her. He blew in her face and yelled “Wake up!” She sat up in bed, and he was rambling on. He was talking to fast and angry for her to understand. She told him to slow down, she didn’t understand. He grabbed her by the shoulders, shook her, and said “Fucking listen to me, this is important! I need you to watch M. really close. Especially at work. Watch every step she takes. I need you to take care of her and protect her, especially when she is driving away.” She then woke up.

The dream was so real, she was confused how she just woke up when in her dream she was already awake, and how S. was just standing in her bedroom, then was gone.

She said S. was very agitated, panicked, and in a rush.

I chalked it up to the recent car problems I have had (Details at the bottom) but decided to take extra precaution with driving. I have people run red lights on me probably twice a month, happens constantly, so I’m always watching, waiting for someone to run the light. I made a mental note to be careful driving, be careful driving drowsy (thanks insomnia), and to be careful because of my car problems.

 I seriously just thought my co-worker was worried about me because I was recently locked in my car with no way to escape.

This morning I had a dream that my friend texted me and said “S. is really pissed off, something is wrong!” When I got the text, I knew S. was dead.. and I knew he had been dead for a while, so I was confused by my friends message. I dialed my friend’s number, put the phone to my ear, then my alarm went off, waking me up.

I thought it was a weird dream. I planned on texting my friend later in the day and telling him about the dream, but first I had to get ready for work.

As I was getting ready for work, I heard my phone go off.. this is like 6:30am. The only person that texts that early is my boss. I checked my phone… and well, the friend I dreamed about had text me, had a dream about S. last night.

Here’s his dream:

So here is my dream as best as I can remember and some of it I don’t think makes much damn sense. Some of it is really clear, like I am clear about sitting at my desk right now, other parts are foggy and hazy like I can’t tell if they were real or what.

So it starts with S. and I sitting at what looks like a sports bar. It reminds me of the Bout Time by the E Center. We are sitting there at a tall table with two big beers in front of us. He is ranting about how I don’t understand how serious this is. I don’t have any idea what he is talking about but he is really irritated. I can’t tell if he is irritated with me or what he is ranting about. I had this sense though, which I really don’t have any idea about his size that he was much bigger than me. I know that sounds random but it was just a weird sense I got. Anyway, I was trying to calm him down so he would tell me what I didn’t understand and what was so serious. The felling I got is the same one I get when T. is ranting about something. He just goes off and I have to try and calm him down to get to whatever it is he is ranting about. Anyway, He just kept telling me that I didn’t understand how serious this was. So I sort of barked back at him that “ I got it” this is serious but what do you want me to fucking do. He said I have to take care of M. To look out for her and protect her. That he knew that I would always protect you. That he needed to be able to count on me. So I reassured him that I would but that he needed to tell me what the fuck the problem was. He just said again that I didn’t or maybe it was possibly that I wouldn’t, understand how serious it was. He got up and left and I asked him where he was going, that he hadn’t finished his beer and that I still didn’t understand. He looked at me and said “ yes you do” and that he knew I would take care of you….

Then things get fuzzy..this is the part that I can’t get a lock on so to speak..What is clear about this is you and I sitting on a bed in a strange house. The bed was one of those old time beds with the metal head and foot board. Anyway, we were running or hiding from someone or something. Not clear..but we were hiding in this house in this bedroom. I had my arm around you with your head in my chest and kept telling you that I would not let anything happen to you. That you would be safe. I was kissing the top of your head. You were crying and upset but I just kept telling you not to worry. I would never let anyone or maybe it was anything get you. Then a loud noise like a siren or something from down stairs went off and I woke up..

So it was weird. The S. part like I said was pretty damn clear. The you part was more fuzzy, dream like, ummm distant to some degree. But I had a very strong emotion about you when I woke up. I still don’t know what the warning was about but he was clear that he knew he could count on me to care for and look after you. Which is very true but I find strange given what has happened between us and that I have not been present in your life for the last 6 mos or so. So anyway, that was what I remember about my dream last night. I didn’t or don’t remember any other dreams or having any dreams for weeks for that matter.

When my friend told me about his dream, the hair on the back of my neck stood up. How is it possible I dreamed my friend texting me that, when my friend is having this dream about S. at almost the exact same time??

I’m on edge. Several people in my life are on edge. 

I had to do the one thing I hate doing. Reminding my mother that if something did happen to me, what I would want. I wouldn’t want to be paralyzed or left on machines. My mom hates these conversations, but without a spouse.. those duties fall to my parents, and I don’t want them to ever question what I would or wouldn’t want.

One thing that is repeating in all 3 dreams is S.’s agitation about the situation.

Something is amiss somewhere, and I can’t figure out what it is, what these signs are, or hell.. what to even do with the information.

For now I will be extra cautious with everything I do (lock the doors, don’t go out alone at night, be safe driving) and will be updating my will, yet again.

(Car details, this happened last week-While driving my 2005 VW Jetta the other day, the car started dinging at me, indicating that the driver’s side door was open. I pulled over (on the side of the freeway), went to open my door, only to find out I could not open the door. Nor could I roll down the window. I was locked inside of my car, on the side of the freeway!)

FYI Volkswagen is aware of the design flaw and has not recalled this part. So if you found this blog looking for reviews on Volkswagen, I say run to Honda.

Dream from 11/16/10

A dream I had on 11/16/10

I had a dream right before my alarm went off. I dreamed me and S. were standing in my parents old house, in the kitchen.. It was before they had done all the remodeling.

I dreamed S. was hugging me and saying I love you and miss you soo soo much.. (He has said the soo soo much thing in several dreams now) I could smell his cologne and feel the squishiness of his chest. He was wearing his favorite hoodie (he is every time I dream about him). In my mind, I knew he was here from heaven, and our time was limited. As he was telling me how much he misses me and stuff, he started to disappear, and I knew it was time for him to go back to heaven. In my dream I was crying, and saying, please don't go yet, please just a little more time. The next thing I knew, we were snuggling in bed, and I was laying on his chest. He was telling me he has been watching his mom, and has seen how much she loves all the teachers (in my mind I kept thinking don't you mean students?). I remember I was really irritated, because we were on limited time, and the last thing I wanted to do was talk about his mom.. I wanted to talk about us.
At the end of my dream, he told me something.. He said I am going to tell you something that is very important, so I need you to pay attention. He told me the important thing. then he told me it was time for him to go back, and I woke up. I sat up in bed crying (I think I was crying in my sleep) and was frantic trying to remember what he told me.. I couldn't remember.

It was so real. It's weird, normally when I dream, I am watching myself do whatever is going on. But when I dream about S., I am in my own body. And it's always so freaking real. I can remember every little details of my dreams with him.

I was frantic for several weeks trying to remember what the important message was. Through my counselor, she helped me get the message. The message was – I need you to pay attention.

Basically my life is a fog, and I am never paying attention.
I get it now.

Blog Post From Mar. 28th, 2011

March 28th, 2011

So I had a interesting dream Saturday afternoon. I dreamed that S. was here visiting me from Heaven (in my dreams, I always know he’s visiting from heaven). Anyways, I asked him why he doesn't come and visit me more. He said because he killed himself, he is being punished, so he has to get approval from god to come see me. He said he is in counseling working on himself and his relationship with God, and he is hoping in the future he will be allowed to come see me whenever he wants.

 I told him that I went and saw a physic, and she told me that he messes with electronics to let me know he is there. I told him I don’t notice it, and he needs to make it more obvious that it’s him, and not just a electronic malfunction. He said ok.

The dream ended as it always does, with him telling me he has to get back to heaven, then I woke up.

 So I get up, and run to an appointment I had, I am sick as hell, but decided I couldn't put it off any longer. As I was pulling out of my neighborhood, the volume on my car stereo turns down, then off. That’s the second time I have had my car stereo turn up / down.

I truly question my thoughts on the afterlife at this point.

Missed phone call

You see, I always have the people I talk to the most, programmed in my phone as A Joe Blow. Or A Mom
Then it's listed first in my contacts (A starts the alphabet!).

I somehow put my contacts in my moms phone and I haven't fixed it.

Anyway. My momma has been sickly, so she went to take a cold bath.

When she got out, she had a missed call.

Missed call from A Husband at 8:08pm on 7/24/12. His phone number, the way I programmed it in my phone.

This is the second time this has happened to her. Last time was in January 2012. Back then I called the number, to find it had a new owner.. I told him I had the wrong number.
Sad day to find out your DH's phone number has been given away.

We have a TON of weird stuff happen around us. I can't even begin to list them all.

This week, my smoke alarm(s) randomly started beeping.

I walked from room to room, trying to find the smoke detector.
It wouldn't stop.
I would walk out of the room.
As soon as my ass hit the couch, it would beep again.
It went on for like an hour.
It finally stopped when I was getting ready to rip all of them out of the ceiling.
He saw my crazy and was like "Oh fuck, stop! I pushed her insane!"


Today in light of the phone call news, I am starting to think the smoke alarms were S.

Last year I went to a psychic. She told me S. messes with electronics, but he says I don't realize it.
Turns the light off, etc.

I thought I would document this phone call.
And I'll start documenting all the random shit that happens to me and my mom (she gets a ton of stuff, jealous!).

I promise.