Guilt = It's ok

I have realized I don't miss the 3 years leading up to S.'s death.

It was a living hell.

I love him, always will, but I don't miss the person he became.

I miss the person I married. That I married SO long ago.

It's sad to look at those 3 years and think "I'm glad that portion of my life is gone".

I have felt guilt over it. What kind of wife doesn't miss the last 3 years of her husband's life?

I was tired of seeing him suffer. I was tired of suffering.

I was SO tired of the "WHAT IF".

It has taken me 2 years to stop living in the "what if".

The only "what if's" I have now is "If I don't do this, will I regret it??"

It's a scary, hard, and accepting experience.