How to treat a Lady

How to Treat a Girl Lady
1.Whatever you do, don't just show up at their house...they run around in their underwear just like we do.

2. Don't cheat on them. It may seem foolproof, but girls tell each other everything about everything. Trust me, they WILL find out. 

3. Beware of every single male relative and all guy friends. Any of them would kick your ass at the drop of a hat, and a lot of them wouldn't even wait for the damn hat.

4. Never miss an opportunity to tell them they're beautiful.

5. Don't refuse to kiss in front of your friends. If they laugh at you, it's because they're jealous.

6. If they slap you hard, you deserved it. 

7. Don't be afraid to touch them if you want to. If they're going out with you in the first place, it's because they like being in your arms.

8. If you don't sleep with them, do not tell your friends that you did. 

8.5 If you DO sleep with them, don't tell your friends that you did.

9. You can be dirty minded in private, really...most of them are not offended by it... 

10. Not all of them eat like birds, alot of them can eat like whales. 

11. Most of them don't mind paying half of everything, but they do discuss these things with their friends. Realize that if you make your girlfriend pay half all the time, everyone will know about it and your friends will know you're a pussy. 

11.5. Do you honestly need all your money that much? Be a man, pay all the time! 

12. Every girl should eventually get three things from her boyfriend- a stuffed animal, one of his sweatshirts, and a really pretty ring. Even if it's not a serious relationship.

13. Make sure she gets home safely as often as you can. If you're dropping her off, walk her to the door. If you aren't dropping her off, call to be sure she's home safely.

14. If a guy is bothering her, it is your right to kick the s**t out of him.

15. If you're talking to a female friend of yours, pull your girlfriend closer.

16. Never, ever slap her, even if it's just in a joking way. Even if she swats you first, and says, "Oh, you're so dumb" or something, never make any gestures back. 

17. Go to a chick flick once in a while. She doesn't care whether you enjoy it or not, it just matters that you went.

18. You're dead meat if you can't get along with their pets, parents and best friends. Be prince charming to their friends, Mr. Polite to their parents, and make sure to be nice to their animals. 

19. Don't flirt with their moms...that's just freaky.

20. Don't be freaked out by PMS. It's not gross, and it really does make them feel like s**t, so be understanding.

21. If you don't like the way they drive, you do it.

22. If you're officially dating, and you're introducing her to your friends, you'd better damn well introduce her as your girlfriend. 

23. Don't stress where you go for every date. They really only want to be with you.

24. If they complain that something hurts, rub it for them without being asked.

25. Girls are fragile. Even if you're play fighting/wrestling, be very gentle.

26. Memorize their god damned birthdays. You forget her birthday and you're basically screwed for life. 

27. Don't marinade the cologne, but smell good.

28. Don't give her something stupid for her birthday or Christmas or Valentine's day. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it has to be meaningful. 

29. If you think the relationship isn't going to last, don't wait to find out. It will only hurt you more if you draw it out. 

30. After you've been dating for a while, realize that they really have started to trust you. When you have a girlfriend who truly trusts you, you have a lot more responsibility, priviledge and control than you would think. Be careful with it, most guys would kill for that kind of power, and it can be lost in a nanosecond.

- Unknown

He should..

He should be your best friend. 

The one you can talk to about everything.

He should appreciate that you try to cook even if the fire alarms go off instead of the timer, and you have to order take out. 

He should tell you you're beautiful as much as he can. 

He should always tell you the truth, even if that might break your heart. 

He should always make you a priority. 

And he should cherish you always.

We always know!

Dating.

What a joke.

I get it, dating a widow can't be easy.
Sure, I have baggage.
I will always love S.
No matter what.

But men now days, are just idiots.
The grass is always greener on the other side  
"You May Think The Grass Is Greener On The Other Side - But If You Take The Time To Water Your Own Grass it Would Be Just As Green".
Technology makes MEN think they can "digitally" cheat, and not get caught.
MEN will look us straight in the face and lie.
When we know you are full of shit.

What they don't understand, is woman are effin smart.
We know.
We always know!

Even if we don't know, our gut instincts and heart know.
Just takes our brain a while to accept it.

MEN feed us full of shit, and soon as we start falling for them, bam.
They turn into a fucking idiot!

For all the men out there that think you are cleaver and will get away with it...
You won't.

She will know.

And guess what? She deserves FAR better then YOU.

Good Vs. Great

While at Camp Widow West Coast 2012 I listened to a speech Michele Hernandez did about her life.

What I got from the speech was Good vs Great.

Let me back track a lil.

I have been dating a great guy for a couple of months.

He is amazing.

He has given me the sense of safety and security my life has been missing.
It's been missing for 5 years now.

He loves me.
He misses me.
He is my sideline cheerleader.
He is my best friend.

And I secretly need that.

We will call him G.

Fast forward to today.

While listening to Michele talk, she was talking about choosing good vs great.

I realized I live my life in the good.
I choose not to live in the great.

Why?

Well I had great.
And it died.
I never want to go through that again.

G. is older then me.
The widow inside me screams "He could DIE".

He could suddenly decide to break up with me.

He could shatter my heart.
The heart I am still glueing back together.
Piece by piece.
Day by day.

Second by second.

So I have chosen to live in the good.
Not the great.

Because if G. dies, and I am only living in the good..
I don't lose the great.
All over again.

And of course, because I'm not losing the great, his death (or our break up) would be so much easier.

I have unknownly held my life back.

To live in the good.

It's better to be good.
Rather then great.

Because with great comes great pain and sorrow.

Today I cried because I realized I deserve great.
And I am stopping great from being in my life.

Today I choose to live great.
And I'm going to have to learn to be good at living great.

Right hand wedding rings

After having my wedding ring redone and turned into a right hand ring.

I did some research on WHY a right handed wedding ring symbolizes widowed, it's just generations of tradition.

Some countries wear their wedding rings on their right hand.

I starting thinking, IF I get remarried, would I wear my wedding ring from S. on my right hand, with my new set from the new hubby on my left hand?

The answer - Yes.

It represents a part of who I am. Not part of who I WAS.
I am a widow.

And eventually a wife (again).

Losing S. will always be with me.
For someone to love me, they have to have room in their heart for S. as well.
Just because I get remarried, doesn't mean my life with S. disappears.

I decided today, that when I get remarried... My wedding ring will stay on my right hand.
If the guy isn't comfortable with it, then he isn't allowing enough room in his heart to love S.. which is a deal breaker for me.

Here's a picture of my new ring

His world

I was his whole world. Everyone always said the way he looked at me, you could see how deeply he loved me.

He IS my whole world. I love him more everyday. The pain of losing him runs so deep in my soul, that sometimes I wonder if I will live through it.

I never thought losing a spouse would be this painful.

Or maybe I never put much thought into what if S. dies?

I miss the traditions I didn't even realize were a tradition. Every Easter S. would buy me lilies, and we would plant them together. My first Easter without S. was a little bit of a shocker.

I woke up that morning, still expecting my lilies. I didn't realize we had a tradition. And I didn't realize that tradition died with S.

I realized I don't have two lilies a like. They are all different. How he knew which ones I had, is beyond me. Or maybe it was just coincidence that he never bought the same ones.

I'll never know.

When I moved to my new house, the first thing I did was dig up my lilies. They were supposed to be at home, with me. Since my home is in a different place now, so are my lilies.

I want to carry on the Easter tradition. But I find I have no freaking clue what lilies I have. So as they bloom this year, I will take pictures of them... to remember which ones I have. So I never buy the ones I already have. Just like S. did.

I am finding I want to be someone's whole world again. I want someone to be my whole world. I miss knowing that at the end of the day, I was loved so deeply, that it didn't matter how I looked, or what kind of mood I was in. I loved being married, and I miss that. I know if I get remarried, I will be a better wife. A better friend. And I will live each day as if it is my husband's last day alive. I won't let life get a hold of me. Who's turn is it to empty the dishwasher?

It's not worth the fight.

I'll never forget my first moment of gratefulness. I was at a party, about a year after S. died. We were all sitting outside, enjoying the summer weather, with cold beers in hand. At some point I realized all the woman had moved inside, and I was outside hanging with the dudes.

I went in to see what the ladies were up to, and I found them sitting around the kitchen table.

They were complaining about their husbands. He never helps around the house. We don't have sex often enough. I feel like a slave.

I quickly turned around and walked back outside to hang with the dudes.

I knew if i didn't, I was going to scream "At least your husband isn't dead!!! Try keeping up with life (dishes, laundry, etc, etc) while mourning the lose of your loved one, and have NO help at all from your husband.. because he's dead!!". I'll never forget that moment. I vowed to not let myself fall into the poor me, if I ever get remarried.

The thought of getting remarried and loving again is terrifying. Even more, what if he dies? Can I live through this again?

The answer is no. I can't. I won't survive. Maybe my past experience with losing a spouse would make it "easier" next time, as I would be more equipped. I now own a mental book called "Holy fuck, what happened!! Here's a list of things to help you through this fucked up, unfair life".

Sometimes I think it's better to not love again, then to lose again.

I am hoping as my grief carries on, and slowly dwindles, that the fears will subside.

It's a sad feeling to look at your life and think "That's it, I had true love, and lost it. I'll never experience that again".